“Teaching got me through the hard times” – When the classroom became a refuge for Kinesiology’s Krista Howarth

No one in the Faculty of Science has more teaching awards than Krista Howarth.

And there’s likely no one at McMaster who’s more grateful for the opportunity to teach.

Teaching does more than energize Krista – for 20 heartbreaking months at the start of her career, the classroom was her refuge.

“Teaching got me through the hard times,” says Krista, an assistant professor in the Department of Kinesiology. “I couldn’t have done it without my students and the support of friends in the department.”

Krista’s world began collapsing on Sept. 13, 2013. She was at the Juravinski Hospital, bracing for impact with her husband Jason Russell. Jason – who ate right, exercised religiously and rarely got sick – knew something was horribly wrong. A battery of tests were ordered. The results were in and his doctor said it was news that could only be delivered in person and as soon as possible.

Jason had Stage 4 colorectal cancer. There was a long road ahead – surgery, chemo and radiation. The diagnosis was devastating but the prognosis was good. Jason was just 39 years old, otherwise healthy and a ridiculously proud dad to three-year-old Avery and one-year-old Alexandria. There was a lifetime of milestones and moments to live for.

On the drive home from the hospital, Jason didn’t ask why this was happening to him. Instead, he kept apologizing to Krista for indefinitely postponing their wedding and honeymoon, even though it had been a mutual decision.

They’d known each other since elementary school – Krista was the serious and studious student while Jason was the class clown.

Jason proposed five years earlier on Valentine’s Day but only after first checking in with Krista’s dad. “My parents adored Jason which was good because we were living in their basement at the time.”

A wedding and honeymoon had to wait – Krista was finishing her PhD and they were saving up to put a down payment on a house. They were turning a fixer-upper into their home when they started a family – the wedding and honeymoon plans were postponed yet again. “I was pregnant with Avery while laying hardwood.”

When she wasn’t doing home renos, Krista was teaching in the Department of Kinesiology on a contractually limited appointment. She’d found her passion while doing her PhD. “I’m a talker and not a writer.” Writing endless grants and research papers held zero appeal. Her supervisor Martin Gibala asked Krista if she was interested in taking over one of his undergrad courses and that’s when she fell in love with teaching.

“Some people go for a run to get an adrenaline high. For me, it’s stepping into a classroom. I’m energized, the students are energized and we build off each other.”

Krista continued teaching between Jason’s appointments and hospital stays. She told her students what was going on – she prerecorded her lectures on days when she had to be at the cancer centre or hospital. Students were grateful to be kept in the loop and would tell Krista how they were going through similar struggles – her resilience gave them strength to soldier on.

A year after Jason’s diagnosis, doctors said he was in the clear. Krista and Jason were looking forward to better days. But then a follow-up scan found more cancer. Doctors initially thought the rectal cancer had spread – what were the odds someone that young would have a second unrelated cancer? Jason continued with the same treatment regime. Doctors eventually figured out Jason had a new and far more aggressive cancer in his bladder. This would prove to be a much harder fight. The diagnosis and prognosis were now equally devastating.

There were more surgeries and more rounds of chemo. None of it worked. Jason was admitted to hospital one last time in February 2015.

What followed broke Krista’s heart – she had to tell her oldest daughter that her dad was never coming back home. “That was rock bottom.” Krista had a children’s book about cancer that she’d read to her daughters. The book had pages that could be swapped in and out. She’d originally removed the pages about dying and death. Avery noticed right away that her mom had put those pages back in the book.

Krista took a leave from teaching near the end of the term so she could be with Jason during his final weeks. He asked that his daughters stay home – he was wasting away and didn’t want that to be their lasting memory. Krista left his bedside for only a few hours to drop in on the farewell party for her graduating students  – she got changed in Jason’s hospital room.

Krista’s students and colleagues had always been supportive and were now stepping up in a big way. The graduating class pooled their money to buy gifts for Krista’s daughters, including LeapPad tablets, headphones and other gifts to keep them entertained and distracted while mom was with dad at the hospital.

Colleagues in the Faculty of Science’s Office of Undergraduate Studies – Krista had worked there for a stint as a student advisor – dropped off meals. Krista’s daughters went to the McMaster Children’s Centre – a staff member who lived near the Juravinski Hospital offered up her driveway as a free parking spot any time day or night.

And then there was her colleague and Kinesiology professor Maureen MacDonald. Krista had promised Avery that she’d have a birthday party no matter what happened. “She was turning five. That’s a big deal for any kid and Avery was going through a lot. She deserved a party.” Krista had secretly assembled her gift – Avery’s first big-girl bike – and booked a venue.

Jason died on Wednesday, April 22. His celebration of life was held the following week, just four days before Avery’s birthday party.

The party would go on. Maureen and a team of grad students hosted Avery’s party – buying and serving the cake, filling up and handing out goodie bags, loading all the presents in Krista’s car and making sure every kid – and especially Avery – had a great time.

“I just had to walk through the door and take a seat. I was in a complete daze. I’m sure the other parents were wondering where I’d found this amazing army of helpers.”

Krista was now a single parent with a five-year-old and a three-year-old. And there was a very real possibility she’d be out of a job. Her contract was ending and there were rules against another renewal. The Faculty of Science was in a budget crunch and it was unlikely the Kinesiology department would get funding to add a teaching track position.

“I was told to start applying to other universities.” But uprooting her kids and moving away from her parents who were helping on the home front wasn’t an option. “I was fully prepared to walk away from teaching and do something else.”

Yet impossibly long odds finally broke in Krista’s favour – funding came through and she was hired as a permanent faculty member. Today, she’s an assistant professor and the associate chair of undergraduate studies in the Department of Kinesiology. There’s a wall full of student and peer-nominated teaching awards in her office, although those are outnumbered by her daughters’ photos and artwork.

She threw herself into learning new ways of teaching – if the MacPherson Institute offered a workshop, Krista took it. “That wasn’t possible when Jason was sick. I was in survival mode.” She started seeking constant feedback from students on two conditions – no personal attacks and there had to be suggestions on how she could do a better job of teaching. She’s adopted many of their ideas.

She also learned how to start saying no. “There was a time when I couldn’t let anything go – everything down to the smallest details in every lecture had to be perfect. But I realized during Jason’s final months that I couldn’t be everything to everyone. I started putting my energy and efforts into the right places for students.”

Krista knows there’s likely someone at McMaster who’s bracing for impact and whose world is about to collapse. She has two pieces of hard-earned advice.

Those first weeks and months after a diagnosis will be unbelievably stressful. “Cut yourself a whole lot of slack. Give yourself grace.” The journey will be a marathon and not a sprint.

And know there will be good days and bad days with no guarantee of how many of each you’ll wind up getting. Don’t squander the good days, says Krista. “That’s my deepest regret. We were told and we assumed Jason would make it through and there’d be many good days ahead for us.” If you can take a vacation during the good days, take it, says Krista, even if it’s a staycation.

Two of Jason’s good days were spent at Kicking Cancer’s Butt, an annual fundraiser held at McMaster and organized by the Wellwood Resource Centre. It’s a community-based non-profit that supports people living with cancer.

The entire family took part just weeks after Jason’s initial diagnosis. They went back the following year. The year after that, it was just Krista, Avery and Alex with a ton of support from family and friends. The fundraiser remains a family tradition and a way to honour Jason. Last year, Alex and Avery raised more than $1,300 in their dad’s memory. They plan to take part again this year.

“Being together and helping others is the best lesson Jason taught us.”